See how Ambrosia Behavioral Health Has Changed Lives

It’s okay not to know the answers. Keep taking the next step, no matter how small, and before you know it, your life will be better than you could have ever imagined.

In my early 20’s, I was diagnosed with moderate to severe rheumatoid arthritis, and my doctor started me on pain medication. Before I knew it, my life was a train wreck. I hated the person I was. Growing up in church, I believed that addiction was a moral issue, and I loathed the fact that prayer wasn’t taking it away. I was a danger to myself and everyone around me. I began stealing from anyone I could get close to support my habit. I overdosed multiple times, and even after a week in the ICU on a ventilator, I still couldn’t come to terms with the fact I had a problem.

“My spirit was gone; I was just a shell of a human trying to survive one day to the next.”

I tried and failed at every attempt to get sober. I was alone, isolated and felt like all hope was gone. I couldn’t hold down a job, had no friends and tried as best I could to keep my addiction from everyone.

My marriage fell apart and ended in divorce. I lost custody of my kids, and my daughter (who was about six at the time) asked to live with my parents. I sucked the life out of everyone that loved me and kept them in constant fear that I would die or end up in jail. They couldn’t ever be at peace, because I would not allow that. My daughter witnessed paramedics trying to revive her lifeless mother on more than one occasion. She was so used to the chaos that it felt normal to her.

In May of 2014, I was arrested for driving under the influence of drugs and possession of a controlled substance. That same month I overdosed again. My parents were done. They would no longer continue to allow me to live in their home in the condition I was in. I made the decision to get treatment and completed my fifth and final rehab stay. After treatment, I followed up with sober living. I completed the program, got a sponsor, worked the steps and even went on to become the house manager of my sober home.

“My life today is one of redemption and hope.”

I know I can face whatever comes my way by doing the next right thing. I don’t live in fear or spend my days chasing the next high. I feel free to be myself, and no longer live in the shame I once did. I am surrounded by like-minded people who support me and my recovery.

I have a peace that I can’t explain. The relationships with my children and family have been restored, and I can finally look myself in the mirror and love the person I see. There are hard days, but my worst day sober is always better than my best day high. The most important thing I have accomplished is having my children and family back in my life. They trust me today, and that is a complete turnaround from the life I had five years ago.

Since I got sober, I have been fortunate to work in the substance abuse field, where I can help others find sobriety. It’s a miracle that I can now be an advocate for those who are struggling just like I was. Recently, I started Hope@First, a support group for those that have a loved one struggling with addiction, and I am working towards licensure as a drug and alcohol counselor. I plan to keep fighting and advocating for those suffering from addiction. You never know what kind of impact you might have on someone’s life.

“Trust the process! Never give up and stick close to people who are sober, and NEVER, no matter how hard, forget that there is hope!”

Trust me when I say, the sober life is a life beyond your wildest dreams.
I started smoking weed when I was about 14 years old, which slowly turned in to harder drugs and a lot of drinking. I would go to parties and have a good time, but when everyone was done at the end of the night, I kept going. For some reason, I could never get enough. Things got worse when I started using prescription pain pills. I was using every day and eventually turned to heroin.

“Addiction was a ball and chain. I couldn’t go anywhere or do anything if I wasn’t high. I was constantly tied down to the drugs.”

Active addiction was the most miserable time of my life. I would lie, cheat, steal, and manipulate everyone in my life. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I didn’t care. All I could think about was my next fix. I was living that lifestyle just so I wouldn’t be sick and so I could function throughout the day.

My drug use tore my family apart. As much as they loved me, they had to distance themselves. My addiction was making them sick and destroying their lives. After a while, I had no friends left either. It wasn’t until I was completely broken down that I decided to get help. I knew I was going to die if I didn’t put all my effort into recovery. I had to do it for myself, or nothing was going to change. I was ready to accept whatever help I could get.

“For once in my life, I was a free man.”

After treatment, I dove right in and got a sponsor. Going through the twelve steps is what saved my life. For once, I stopped trying to run the show and just listened. I hung around people that had a year or more and knew how to stay sober, and they showed me how to do it. It was simple, but I always made it so much more difficult than it had to be.

About six months into my sobriety the obsession to drink and use drugs went away. Now, I can go anywhere and do anything without being tied down to a substance. I have this peace and calmness about me, and it feels unreal. Never in my life did I ever think I would have that peace of mind.

Today, I’m back in school and studying business administration. Eventually, I would like to get my master’s degree and start a business of my own. Plus, I get to work at the treatment center where I began my journey. I don’t know where sobriety will take me, but I do know my heart lies in helping others.

“I find the best gift in life is to give back, and that is what I want to do.”

Never, ever give up hope.
My addiction started at the age of 18, right before college. I was working late nights and double shifts at a restaurant, and my boyfriend at the time gave me half of a pill to help with back pain from standing all day. I functioned normally for the first year, only taking them on the weekends during college. During the summer after my first year of college, I started using heroin and not long after, crack cocaine.

It wasn’t long before I lost all control. I dropped out of college, couldn’t keep a job, and ended up without a place to live. When I used, I would disappear. My family and friends would try to reach out, but I would never respond. I became a ghost. On occasion, I would be spotted on the street, but for the most part, no one knew if I was dead or alive.

My last attempt at using heroin only lasted a few weeks, but it was one of the worst experiences of my life. I was staying at a drug motel and using with strangers. I was putting myself in very dangerous situations, and I knew it was only going to get worse. I finally surrendered. I successfully completed treatment at Ambrosia in West Palm Beach, and for the first time, I was willing to take direction. I moved into a halfway house where I attended aftercare and began to pick up the pieces. After three years of using drugs and attending several treatment centers, I finally got (and stayed) sober.

“Recovery feels like total freedom. A weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and I now have faith that I can accomplish anything.”

The best thing about being clean and sober is having the freedom to wake up every day without having to rely on a substance to feel okay. My mind is no longer clouded. I have a strong connection with my Higher Power who guides me, and I live a better life than I ever thought possible. And because of that, I am able to help others who are fighting the same battle that I was.

For a long time, I struggled to get sober because I had lost all hope. I could not see the possibility of my life being okay even if I stopped using. Now, I know that anyone can get sober if they want to. My faith was restored by hearing the stories of others and having faith in a Higher Power. Even though I could not see a path, one would be made for me, and it was. Recovery has given me a life I never thought possible, and I would not trade it for anything in the world.

“I am so happy and so grateful to be where I am. It’s never too late to change your life, one day at a time.”

Give recovery a chance; you’ll be astounded how quickly and dramatically your life can improve.
It’s hard to say if I was genetically predisposed to addiction, but I do know that something is fundamentally different about how I process drugs and alcohol compared to other people. My using started out relatively innocent with what I consider average teenage behavior, but “normal” activities like smoking a joint or stealing a few beers from my parents had a far more detrimental effect on me than it did to my peers. Even at this age, it was clear that I wasn’t able to moderate or control my consumption of drugs and alcohol. Considering the progressive nature of the disease of addiction, it only got worse as time went on.

“My own consciousness had become a prison that I could only escape by being high or asleep.”

I can only imagine how it feels to have the son that you raised, fed, clothed and supported turn around and start stealing, lying and manipulating. My last day using I stood in front of my father with tears in his eyes while I handed him my used syringes and other paraphernalia. That was the day I went to detox and the first day of my life in recovery. I stuck around after going to Ambrosia’s rehab in Port St. Lucie, Florida. I live 1500 miles away from my family, but I’m closer to them than ever before. My mother tells me “I’d rather love you from Florida than mourn you in New Jersey.” Words cannot express how grateful I am to have such a loving and supportive family. It’s going to take a lifetime of amends to erase the guilt I feel for what I put them through but being clean has given me that opportunity.

“As long as I stay clean, the possibilities are endless.”

The beauty of recovery is that I can feel a full range of emotions and don’t need to numb myself or escape reality. No one ever promised me that recovery would be easy, but I was promised that I never have to use again as long as I put in the effort. That promise has been fulfilled. Today, I’m free from the physical, mental and spiritual bondage of addiction. When I think back to my life as an addict, recovery is paradise. I’ve never been more content and well-adjusted in my life.

“My greatest accomplishment in recovery has been becoming a better person, both to myself and to my family.”

It’s crazy to think how far your life can progress when you do the right thing. When I was young, one of my dreams was to travel the world. Recently, I hiked for four days through the Andes Mountains in Peru, got to see Machu Picchu and experience the beautiful volcanos, rainforests and coffee plantations in Costa Rica. Before I got clean, I could barely get out of bed. Now, I get to go anywhere and do anything I want, as long as I put my recovery first. It goes without saying that none of this would be possible if it weren’t for a program of recovery working in my life today.